every day i wake up besides you and you're still sleeping and i can't help but think how incredibly blessed i am, and how this is how i have felt for the last 10 months now. since day 1 i have just been in a permanent state of bliss. i know we have talked about the trials i faced before we met, but there really are no words i could ever say to you to really relay how i felt during those times, or even long after, or sometimes how i still feel to this day. when i met you, i knew you were something special. i knew it right away, and instantly i began gaining feelings for you and tried to mask it by attempting to play cupid. but once you told me you were supposed to be hanging out with another guy, that was when i knew i was all in for this. my heart sank with jealousy and that was my first clue that if there was anything i wanted, or needed, more at that point in my life, it was you and this positivity you bring. i was in such a dark time of my life still, it wasn't long after my allegations had gotten dropped and i was still trying to go back to being and feeling like my normal self and the only time i felt like that was when i was talking to you.

after all the bad decisions i had made in my life prior to meeting you, or "scandals" i had been involved in, i felt less than deserving of your attention. you were (and are) the most beautiful person i have ever seen, and i am this guy with a bad reputation and a horrible hairline. regardless, you always told me you know me, and other people don't, and you see my good. you see sides of me that no one ever has ever gotten to see, and you love me for them. despite how impatient i can sometimes be, or how i may have a negative attitude after a bad game, you never bat an eye, and you never use my past mistakes against me. i'm so fucking grateful that you and i had found our way to each other. i know i'm not perfect, i'm the furthest thing from it. i have a bad reputation even from before all of the allegations, and you took a big chance by being with me regardless. and even after all was said and done, and i got the relief 3 months after the investigation that i was being cleared, you continue to build a life with me. you continue to put your own reputation on the line by being with someone that doesn't have a great track record. we have a dog and we will soon being having our first real home together, and in just a few months i get to call you my wife. every day you continue to take these chances on me and not worry about what the rest of the world thinks and i could not love you more for that. you are the most amazing person i've ever met, and i know i tell you that a lot but it still would never feel like enough.

i love you, nina. thank you for bringing this light back to my life after i had gone through what will be the darkest part i'll endure. you have stuck by me through so much, i can only hope i can do even half as much for you as you have done for me. thank you for taking this chance on me, for spending all this time with me, for even taking this journey into sobriety with me, and most of all, thank you for loving me.

for the past almost year, i wanted to get you a gift that represents us. i got you the cartier love necklace, the inside of one ring is engraved with 4.2.16 and the other with 7.29.17. i liked these because they are latched on to one another, and i feel like that is kind of how you and i are; always connected. i love you, and i can't wait to marry you.